You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
