I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
they need to just BURY HIM!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
