i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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