Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
