I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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