i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
