I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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