my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
