he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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