I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
