My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
there is glitter all over my balls
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
