I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
