Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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