four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
