Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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