ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
