we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
