Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I forgot wine drunk hurts
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
