need another drink. this is the easiest way
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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