Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
