so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
