I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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