my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize