i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
