I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
