Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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