the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
