I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
