i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
