I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
