I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
