how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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