I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
