i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
