the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
