He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
this is an emotional support booty call
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
