Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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