I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
