He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
