he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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