I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
