Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
