I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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