What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
