So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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