I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
