In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
