I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
