I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
