A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There r osticjed everywhere
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I just went to clothing optional bar
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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