Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
