Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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