I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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