I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
