3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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