walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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