The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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