Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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