Cold hands, warm shart.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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