Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
