You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
