I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
